1. Dont buy any chocolate:
Fail.
although i do buy a considerable amount less! - but i realised that with the amount of sport i do i sometimes need the quick fix of chocolate to have enough sugar in me!
2. Read the Bible
Well... im currently on feb 18th - tho i was on feb 10th like 3 days ago, i am going for a catch-up! Many days spent reading on the bus... i am determined to keep this one at least!
3. Become less of an uncontrollable trichster
well, at times i have been alright - and then something will happen which ruins it! (gotta love the family -.- )
Its just so frustrating that if i go into a 'deep' pulling session there isn't the want to stop. this means that i just keep going - a couple of weeks ago i pulled for at least 3 hours - continuous :/ I can see now that that obviously isn't good/normal behavior, but at the time i just didn't care!
well that and partly i don't seam to have any idea of timing - i can't guess at how long 10 minutes is or anything like that - i am meant to go to study skills at college because they think that i have a problem with time management - which to me implies that i don't [in theory] know how best to spend my time effectively - but it is more that i don't know how long things take! for instance when i pull it can feel like 5 min and its actually been 30min, or it can feel like 10min and has only been 1min... i feel like that is the sort of thing i should say to them, however i don't think i would be able to explain it without bringing trich into it, and then that opens up a whole can of worms that i don't want to go into at college...
4 to do at least 1 blog per month!
i have created a new - new years resolution (ignore the time of year!) as yeah, i think it could lead to great things - if i actually stick at it! ;)
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Thursday, 30 December 2010
New Years Resolutions!
So
yes
It's that time of year again!
always seams to sneak up on you...
i remember at primary school and secondary school, and come to think of it last year at college - always being told to come up with your new years resolution
but surely if there is any chance of it sticking you shouldnt have to be forced to come up with it? and it shouldnt have to happen at one time of year!
but anyway... here are my new years resolutions... ish (tradition is tradition...)
1. Not to buy any chocolate all year
*note - i'm not being foolish and saying i won't eat any - just i won't buy it! It's nothing to do with being healthy - trying to save my money! ;)
2. Read the bible
Yes
All of it.
My youth group is going through it - we have the Soul Survivor copy so its the bible all jumbled up, but its still the bible :p
3. Stop being an uncontrollable Trichster.
Yes i'll admit it i dont mind the idea of being a trichster all my life, however i want to be able to control it... yes that may mean that i then technically wouldn't be a trichster but... ooo now im confused! *and bring the hands back to the keyboard* ...
So
I've confessed mine
and it is written
now i just have to do the hard bit - actually sticking to them!!!
Wish me luck ;)
yes
It's that time of year again!
always seams to sneak up on you...
i remember at primary school and secondary school, and come to think of it last year at college - always being told to come up with your new years resolution
but surely if there is any chance of it sticking you shouldnt have to be forced to come up with it? and it shouldnt have to happen at one time of year!
but anyway... here are my new years resolutions... ish (tradition is tradition...)
1. Not to buy any chocolate all year
*note - i'm not being foolish and saying i won't eat any - just i won't buy it! It's nothing to do with being healthy - trying to save my money! ;)
2. Read the bible
Yes
All of it.
My youth group is going through it - we have the Soul Survivor copy so its the bible all jumbled up, but its still the bible :p
3. Stop being an uncontrollable Trichster.
Yes i'll admit it i dont mind the idea of being a trichster all my life, however i want to be able to control it... yes that may mean that i then technically wouldn't be a trichster but... ooo now im confused! *and bring the hands back to the keyboard* ...
So
I've confessed mine
and it is written
now i just have to do the hard bit - actually sticking to them!!!
Wish me luck ;)
Wednesday, 1 September 2010
Bit of a Catch Up i suppose!
Ok, this time it really has been a long while!
been on camp number 2, done the Boston Marathon, and had 2 Racing events on the local river.
So... camp 2
wow this is going back some (to august!)
it was entertaining - ended up sharing a 6 man tent with 4 people (altogether -so including me) sharing with 2 people i hadn't met before (one being french...). Me and someoe else had spray in hair dye in guiding centenary colours - different hair colour each day ... to the amusement of some of the guides and leaders! We held a 'guides got talent' - you can probably guess what it was... me and my friend (yes the one with the dye) done a duet - i was on my acoustic guitar and she sang... twas Cat Power - sea of love... quite a simple and effective song - however i specialise in flamenco guitar and was soo not used to doing chords like that! (or even doing those chords...)
On the last night we slept in an old Bell tent (big and roundish and white - used 'back in the day')
o and one last funny thing about camp - in the shop there was the security bear - (a big cuddly me-to-you bear) and one of the leaders had decided she wanted him - so managed to smuggle him out of the shop during the day and into the D of E tent, (all in good humor of course!) so anyways, later that night we decided that we would move the DofE tent into the shop (bear and all) so at 1 in the morning we did... we went and unpegged the tent (twas inside a marquee next to an old style DofE tent as part of an exhibition) picked it up - 1 person in each corner, walked it out of the marquee and into the shop marquee - repegged it in the middle of the shop and set up the bear in his camp chair next to a trangia (not lit of course!) and with a box of gummy bears, a packet of survival food and a map... we left a note saying that he was cold so he brought a tent with him and that he liked this new food much better than the gummy bears! (made me chuckle)
ok next!
Boston Marathon (of the rowing variety)
31miles/50 kilometers from Lincoln to Boston (UK). One of the hardest rowing feats it is possible to accomplish... yet we did!
Not only did we successfully complete the race, we were the fastest 8 of the day, out of all the 8s, not just our category, we got a course record for our category (novice 8+), and most importantly beat the crew that had previously got the record (i know that sounds obvious... they didn't race again we beat their time, but they happen to be a crew from our club so there was a friendly rivalry there...)
The start was only a little hectic...
we left a bit late... my fault i kinda didnt wake up when my alarm went off! Then we drove to Boston, and got Taxis to Lincoln where our boat was as we had managed to share a trailer with another local crew... We got there and had 15 min to get the boat in one piece and in the water... (usually takes about 40 min) luckily the crew we trailer shared with massively helped us out and we weren't too late starting! the marshals weren't too happy with us tho! As soon as we were on the water we were off! touching land only briefly to get out of the boat, pick up the boat and walk around a lock, replace the boat and carrying on... that was 13km into the race... (and apparently we looked professional!)
The other 2 races:
nothing overly spectacular - i cant remember the result of the first race! (i dont think it was too good...)
the 2nd race was ok - there were 114 boats entered (all shapes and sizes!) and we came 13th overall! we came 2nd in our category by 7 seconds, i cant remember what the time of was of the crew that came 3rd but i don't think they were anywhere near us! (which makes it more frustrating!) And we couldn't have gone any faster as at the finish line we were practically on top of the boat in front (good job the finish line appeared where it was!) (we beat them by 30 seconds!) - it was quite a good finish from the crew, especially considering we hadn't been on the river for the last 2 weeks due to all of the ice!
So that sums up the Things that have happened - i guess mostly...
Yeah ok - I'll admit there has been other stuff but these things happen in life and i am So not in the mood to poor out my heart right now - tho what i will say is that i am not feeling the Christmas spirit right now... I'm hoping i will find it before.. you know... Christmas - but i have absolutely no idea where it is that I'm meant to look for it! which kinda sucks... :/
been on camp number 2, done the Boston Marathon, and had 2 Racing events on the local river.
So... camp 2
wow this is going back some (to august!)
it was entertaining - ended up sharing a 6 man tent with 4 people (altogether -so including me) sharing with 2 people i hadn't met before (one being french...). Me and someoe else had spray in hair dye in guiding centenary colours - different hair colour each day ... to the amusement of some of the guides and leaders! We held a 'guides got talent' - you can probably guess what it was... me and my friend (yes the one with the dye) done a duet - i was on my acoustic guitar and she sang... twas Cat Power - sea of love... quite a simple and effective song - however i specialise in flamenco guitar and was soo not used to doing chords like that! (or even doing those chords...)
On the last night we slept in an old Bell tent (big and roundish and white - used 'back in the day')
o and one last funny thing about camp - in the shop there was the security bear - (a big cuddly me-to-you bear) and one of the leaders had decided she wanted him - so managed to smuggle him out of the shop during the day and into the D of E tent, (all in good humor of course!) so anyways, later that night we decided that we would move the DofE tent into the shop (bear and all) so at 1 in the morning we did... we went and unpegged the tent (twas inside a marquee next to an old style DofE tent as part of an exhibition) picked it up - 1 person in each corner, walked it out of the marquee and into the shop marquee - repegged it in the middle of the shop and set up the bear in his camp chair next to a trangia (not lit of course!) and with a box of gummy bears, a packet of survival food and a map... we left a note saying that he was cold so he brought a tent with him and that he liked this new food much better than the gummy bears! (made me chuckle)
ok next!
Boston Marathon (of the rowing variety)
31miles/50 kilometers from Lincoln to Boston (UK). One of the hardest rowing feats it is possible to accomplish... yet we did!
Not only did we successfully complete the race, we were the fastest 8 of the day, out of all the 8s, not just our category, we got a course record for our category (novice 8+), and most importantly beat the crew that had previously got the record (i know that sounds obvious... they didn't race again we beat their time, but they happen to be a crew from our club so there was a friendly rivalry there...)
The start was only a little hectic...
we left a bit late... my fault i kinda didnt wake up when my alarm went off! Then we drove to Boston, and got Taxis to Lincoln where our boat was as we had managed to share a trailer with another local crew... We got there and had 15 min to get the boat in one piece and in the water... (usually takes about 40 min) luckily the crew we trailer shared with massively helped us out and we weren't too late starting! the marshals weren't too happy with us tho! As soon as we were on the water we were off! touching land only briefly to get out of the boat, pick up the boat and walk around a lock, replace the boat and carrying on... that was 13km into the race... (and apparently we looked professional!)
The other 2 races:
nothing overly spectacular - i cant remember the result of the first race! (i dont think it was too good...)
the 2nd race was ok - there were 114 boats entered (all shapes and sizes!) and we came 13th overall! we came 2nd in our category by 7 seconds, i cant remember what the time of was of the crew that came 3rd but i don't think they were anywhere near us! (which makes it more frustrating!) And we couldn't have gone any faster as at the finish line we were practically on top of the boat in front (good job the finish line appeared where it was!) (we beat them by 30 seconds!) - it was quite a good finish from the crew, especially considering we hadn't been on the river for the last 2 weeks due to all of the ice!
So that sums up the Things that have happened - i guess mostly...
Yeah ok - I'll admit there has been other stuff but these things happen in life and i am So not in the mood to poor out my heart right now - tho what i will say is that i am not feeling the Christmas spirit right now... I'm hoping i will find it before.. you know... Christmas - but i have absolutely no idea where it is that I'm meant to look for it! which kinda sucks... :/
Tuesday, 10 August 2010
What a couple of weeks!
ok well since my last post -
Our Rowing team were awarded Blades for making 4 bumps :) (awarded them by the club as we got 4 and weren't bumped!) So that created major happiness :D (that and the HUGE amount of chocolate given to me by the crew!)
Then i had a few rest days, before Centenary Camp!!
What an experience!!
Camp like You've Never Camped Before! indeedy :)
it was an amazing camp with loads and loads of badges swapped, loads of new friends made, and old friendships renewed/strengthened!
There is a lot of talk about - what was your mountaintop moment?
my answer - i dont know!! it was all so good :)
One of the best highlights came in unexpected - a bus journey home from an evening 'it's a knock out' activity - a bus full of Senior Section members (over 14s) who were all very tired from half a weeks camping/working the day at Fusion and then doing sports! Yet we got on the bus and the driver turned up some charts hits rather loudly and everyone sang along! It was amazing!! just purely everyone having fun together not caring about what others thought of them - the atmosphere was so good that journey! I think it summed up Guiding for me, let alone camp!
Yet, as the week drew to the end i got worse on the trich front... people started to notice the lack of eyelashes - and then tell other people about it... And that was just strange - i mean i wont talk to my parents about it, but i can talk to people that were complete strangers to me at the beginning of the week about it... I think its also a testimony to how far i've come - last year if questioned about it i would have shrug my shoulders and walked off... however i can tell if someone had hugged me at the time i probably wouldn't have been able to keep it together :/
right - its late and i have rowing in the morning...
did i mention - we are entering into the Boston Marathon http://www.bostonrowingmarathon.org.uk/Marathon.htm
it will be interesting...
really am off now - will do a slightly more detailed post tomorrow... i still got more i want to say but struggling with keeping my eyes open!!
Our Rowing team were awarded Blades for making 4 bumps :) (awarded them by the club as we got 4 and weren't bumped!) So that created major happiness :D (that and the HUGE amount of chocolate given to me by the crew!)
Then i had a few rest days, before Centenary Camp!!
What an experience!!
Camp like You've Never Camped Before! indeedy :)
it was an amazing camp with loads and loads of badges swapped, loads of new friends made, and old friendships renewed/strengthened!
There is a lot of talk about - what was your mountaintop moment?
my answer - i dont know!! it was all so good :)
One of the best highlights came in unexpected - a bus journey home from an evening 'it's a knock out' activity - a bus full of Senior Section members (over 14s) who were all very tired from half a weeks camping/working the day at Fusion and then doing sports! Yet we got on the bus and the driver turned up some charts hits rather loudly and everyone sang along! It was amazing!! just purely everyone having fun together not caring about what others thought of them - the atmosphere was so good that journey! I think it summed up Guiding for me, let alone camp!
Yet, as the week drew to the end i got worse on the trich front... people started to notice the lack of eyelashes - and then tell other people about it... And that was just strange - i mean i wont talk to my parents about it, but i can talk to people that were complete strangers to me at the beginning of the week about it... I think its also a testimony to how far i've come - last year if questioned about it i would have shrug my shoulders and walked off... however i can tell if someone had hugged me at the time i probably wouldn't have been able to keep it together :/
right - its late and i have rowing in the morning...
did i mention - we are entering into the Boston Marathon http://www.bostonrowingmarathon.org.uk/Marathon.htm
it will be interesting...
really am off now - will do a slightly more detailed post tomorrow... i still got more i want to say but struggling with keeping my eyes open!!
Thursday, 22 July 2010
the Bumps!!
ok so last week was... interesting
i got my Extended Project handed in last week (was it really only last week? wow!)
and yeah... last just be hush about the pe coursework
The big thing of the week? Has to be the Cambridge Town Bumps of course!!!
i've been coxing for about 4 months now and not very long ago we had my first race (the getting on race for the bumps) where the crew got a faster time by 29seconds than last year (thats a huge improvement considering there are at least 4 new members of the team!)
so then my second race was on tuesday, where we rowed as the second boat in Div4, where we made a bump
http://www.jetphotographic.com/showphoto.php?id=204734
http://www.jetphotographic.com/showphoto.php?id=204735
http://www.jetphotographic.com/showphoto.php?id=204736
(this is us making the bump)
it took 308 meters! :)
then because we became top of the division we had to row again that night, only as the last boat in Div3, where we bumped again! (sadly no pictures this time, we didnt time it so that we were in front of the photographer)
so 2 bumps on the first night, this was double what they get in the bumps last year! so we headed to the beer tree, and smiles all round!!
the wednesday night we started off 2nd boat in Div3, we werent too worried about the competition behind us as they were the boat that we had bumped the night before, we were now focusing on getting the boat in front of us, before they caught the boat in front of them.
we managed it, of course! again not in a very long amount of time :)
However the true test was tonight, we knew that the boat in front had it in them to bump the people ahead, it was just a matter of can we get their first?
depressingly they got there first, so we were looking at an over bump which would have been possible, if our next target hadnt also bumped, and the next 2 crews bump as well!! we were rowing up, race pace, and just saw all of the boats move out of the way as they all bumped, we knew then that it would be a row over so we focused on getting a nice technique!
By the time we got outside the plough pub i could see number 41, who had started 7 places ahead of us, we had gained A LOT on them! however they knew they were on for a row over and so didnt try as hard, we were followed all the way by the people we had bumped on the first night, however they were nowhere near us to be a threat.
Our hopes of getting blades with a brand new, novice crew were gone - months of practice gone in less than a minute
However,
chins up
tomorrow is another day
and it would be fantastic to get 4 bumps, even if they aren't on each day so don't count for blades!
Also, tomorrow i am going to try to surprise the crew with some music on the row back after the race, we have been talking about it for a while - getting something with the right beat to keep them in time... so i am think bon jovi - living on a prayer, its good and not too much of a cliché, and we are the champions - it has to be done!! and then our bow man has suggest we will rock you on the way up possibly!! :)
so will be fun tomorrow and relaxing!!
Wish me luck!
i got my Extended Project handed in last week (was it really only last week? wow!)
and yeah... last just be hush about the pe coursework
The big thing of the week? Has to be the Cambridge Town Bumps of course!!!
i've been coxing for about 4 months now and not very long ago we had my first race (the getting on race for the bumps) where the crew got a faster time by 29seconds than last year (thats a huge improvement considering there are at least 4 new members of the team!)
so then my second race was on tuesday, where we rowed as the second boat in Div4, where we made a bump
http://www.jetphotographic.com/showphoto.php?id=204734
http://www.jetphotographic.com/showphoto.php?id=204735
http://www.jetphotographic.com/showphoto.php?id=204736
(this is us making the bump)
it took 308 meters! :)
then because we became top of the division we had to row again that night, only as the last boat in Div3, where we bumped again! (sadly no pictures this time, we didnt time it so that we were in front of the photographer)
so 2 bumps on the first night, this was double what they get in the bumps last year! so we headed to the beer tree, and smiles all round!!
the wednesday night we started off 2nd boat in Div3, we werent too worried about the competition behind us as they were the boat that we had bumped the night before, we were now focusing on getting the boat in front of us, before they caught the boat in front of them.
we managed it, of course! again not in a very long amount of time :)
However the true test was tonight, we knew that the boat in front had it in them to bump the people ahead, it was just a matter of can we get their first?
depressingly they got there first, so we were looking at an over bump which would have been possible, if our next target hadnt also bumped, and the next 2 crews bump as well!! we were rowing up, race pace, and just saw all of the boats move out of the way as they all bumped, we knew then that it would be a row over so we focused on getting a nice technique!
By the time we got outside the plough pub i could see number 41, who had started 7 places ahead of us, we had gained A LOT on them! however they knew they were on for a row over and so didnt try as hard, we were followed all the way by the people we had bumped on the first night, however they were nowhere near us to be a threat.
Our hopes of getting blades with a brand new, novice crew were gone - months of practice gone in less than a minute
However,
chins up
tomorrow is another day
and it would be fantastic to get 4 bumps, even if they aren't on each day so don't count for blades!
Also, tomorrow i am going to try to surprise the crew with some music on the row back after the race, we have been talking about it for a while - getting something with the right beat to keep them in time... so i am think bon jovi - living on a prayer, its good and not too much of a cliché, and we are the champions - it has to be done!! and then our bow man has suggest we will rock you on the way up possibly!! :)
so will be fun tomorrow and relaxing!!
Wish me luck!
Thursday, 15 July 2010
Workworkwork!!
Ok the teachers told us that this term would be nice and relaxed...
Urm, when were they planning for that to happen??
I had to hand in my Extended Project folder on monday, and in theory my pe coursework first draft as well, however i asked for an extension for the pe to tomorrow which would have been fine. Until i handed in my EP and was told that i had done my PPR wrong and to hand it in on wednesday - which happens to be my day when i have lots of time to spare, and was planning on doing my PE coursework then. So i ended up spending my wednesday redoing my PPR and then i had to get the early bus home (which took off an hour of my day!) to get to the doctors to have my Hep A booster. Suffice to say i managed to finish my EP, at the expense of my PE :/
and now i've got literally none of my PE coursework done and it has to be in tomorrow! and at somepoint i have to create the presentation for my EP otherwise i drop a load of marks, and u can guarantee that the other person who has been in my group won't do anything towards it :/
Why do we have to do group work?
*insert massive rant about the group work we are doing in PE at the moment - lets just say im the only one willing to do anything!*
The worst part of it all...
all the rubbish feelings i end up getting always get taken out in the form of trich
:(
anyway its not ridiculously late
and i still havent done my work :/
grrr
Urm, when were they planning for that to happen??
I had to hand in my Extended Project folder on monday, and in theory my pe coursework first draft as well, however i asked for an extension for the pe to tomorrow which would have been fine. Until i handed in my EP and was told that i had done my PPR wrong and to hand it in on wednesday - which happens to be my day when i have lots of time to spare, and was planning on doing my PE coursework then. So i ended up spending my wednesday redoing my PPR and then i had to get the early bus home (which took off an hour of my day!) to get to the doctors to have my Hep A booster. Suffice to say i managed to finish my EP, at the expense of my PE :/
and now i've got literally none of my PE coursework done and it has to be in tomorrow! and at somepoint i have to create the presentation for my EP otherwise i drop a load of marks, and u can guarantee that the other person who has been in my group won't do anything towards it :/
Why do we have to do group work?
*insert massive rant about the group work we are doing in PE at the moment - lets just say im the only one willing to do anything!*
The worst part of it all...
all the rubbish feelings i end up getting always get taken out in the form of trich
:(
anyway its not ridiculously late
and i still havent done my work :/
grrr
Tuesday, 29 June 2010
Everything you could want to know about trich in one go...
Well, i promised you a blog, today about trich so here it is...
What would you like to know about it?
It's an All consuming monster
there's not really much more to it...
well, i guess there are the facts...
the literal translation from Greek is 'hair pulling madness'
It is an illness not a disease (am just gonna put in here that these are my thoughts - not necessarily medical facts), and the reason i am making a difference is because i personally think of a disease as something more terminal, where-as an illness is something everyone gets, and recover from...
having done some searching, i have just found this amazing poem which helps to show the feelings:
To wake every morning
Guilt ridden from head to toe
You head to the mirror, not entirely sure of what will show.
Head already spinning of how to cover up
What can be the reason when people ask ‘whats up?’
A dare seems the most likely
Followed by drunken prankOr be gutsy and be truthful
About all the hairs you yank?
It’s just not good to look at,
When all the face is bare,
Although not as bad as many,
the pulling is still there
You see a dark root coming,
and you want that bastard hair.
The urge, stronger, stronger, stronger until finally defeat’s conceded.
That urge you tried to ignore but eventually you ceded.
Relief is there straight after
Though only fleeting by.
Then it really hits you,The agonising aftermath;
Not just redness above the eyes
But the mental state your left in
The question of just why?
Where has it gone
That confidence I lack?
All I want is to have it back
Well this is my life, so Welcome.
Welcome to my life
As a trichotillomaniac
I wake every morning
Guilt ridden from head to toe
I head to my mirror, not entirely sure of what will show……
the thing is it's just so true to life! i am not taking the credit for it, it is on the UK Trichotillomania Support forum/website thingy...
Anyway, back to earlier comment - the whole all consuming monster...
It is, it affects me everywhere i go, bearing in mind i am a student atm, so always out, getting to/from college (at the hands of the buses!), which are often full, i know i am going to end up sitting next to someone Just don't make eye contact , its the only way i can face the journey - getting stuck in with doing homework or reading my book...
Back to the more 'official' stuff:
[trich is] defined as "hair loss from a patient's repetitive self-pulling of hair" and is characterized by the repeated urge to pull out scalp hair, eyelashes, facial hair, nose hair, pubic hair, and eyebrows or other body hair, sometimes resulting in noticeable bald patches
(thank you wikipedia)
It is currently classified in the DSM-IV (a thing they got happening which is all about mental disorders of various types) as an Impulse Control Disorder, however i read somewhere (cant remember where) that it is being reviewed and when they bring out the next DSM it might be classed as OCD (dont quote me on it tho!)
So, what causes it?
well...
the following have all been linked to it, to an extent at somepoint (although everyone is different!), not necessarily causes, could be side effects, but there is correlation between them...
-Anxiety
-Depression
-OCD
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
- Stress
- possibility that it is genetic - SLITRK1 gene mutations? And to do with Serotonin 2a receptor genes...
"Another school of thought emphasizes hair pulling as addictive or positively reinforcing insofar as it is associated with rising tension beforehand and relief afterward."
What would you like to know about it?
It's an All consuming monster
there's not really much more to it...
well, i guess there are the facts...
the literal translation from Greek is 'hair pulling madness'
It is an illness not a disease (am just gonna put in here that these are my thoughts - not necessarily medical facts), and the reason i am making a difference is because i personally think of a disease as something more terminal, where-as an illness is something everyone gets, and recover from...
having done some searching, i have just found this amazing poem which helps to show the feelings:
To wake every morning
Guilt ridden from head to toe
You head to the mirror, not entirely sure of what will show.
Head already spinning of how to cover up
What can be the reason when people ask ‘whats up?’
A dare seems the most likely
Followed by drunken prankOr be gutsy and be truthful
About all the hairs you yank?
It’s just not good to look at,
When all the face is bare,
Although not as bad as many,
the pulling is still there
You see a dark root coming,
and you want that bastard hair.
The urge, stronger, stronger, stronger until finally defeat’s conceded.
That urge you tried to ignore but eventually you ceded.
Relief is there straight after
Though only fleeting by.
Then it really hits you,The agonising aftermath;
Not just redness above the eyes
But the mental state your left in
The question of just why?
Where has it gone
That confidence I lack?
All I want is to have it back
Well this is my life, so Welcome.
Welcome to my life
As a trichotillomaniac
I wake every morning
Guilt ridden from head to toe
I head to my mirror, not entirely sure of what will show……
the thing is it's just so true to life! i am not taking the credit for it, it is on the UK Trichotillomania Support forum/website thingy...
Anyway, back to earlier comment - the whole all consuming monster...
It is, it affects me everywhere i go, bearing in mind i am a student atm, so always out, getting to/from college (at the hands of the buses!), which are often full, i know i am going to end up sitting next to someone Just don't make eye contact , its the only way i can face the journey - getting stuck in with doing homework or reading my book...
Back to the more 'official' stuff:
[trich is] defined as "hair loss from a patient's repetitive self-pulling of hair" and is characterized by the repeated urge to pull out scalp hair, eyelashes, facial hair, nose hair, pubic hair, and eyebrows or other body hair, sometimes resulting in noticeable bald patches
(thank you wikipedia)
It is currently classified in the DSM-IV (a thing they got happening which is all about mental disorders of various types) as an Impulse Control Disorder, however i read somewhere (cant remember where) that it is being reviewed and when they bring out the next DSM it might be classed as OCD (dont quote me on it tho!)
So, what causes it?
well...
the following have all been linked to it, to an extent at somepoint (although everyone is different!), not necessarily causes, could be side effects, but there is correlation between them...
-Anxiety
-Depression
-OCD
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
- Stress
- possibility that it is genetic - SLITRK1 gene mutations? And to do with Serotonin 2a receptor genes...
"Another school of thought emphasizes hair pulling as addictive or positively reinforcing insofar as it is associated with rising tension beforehand and relief afterward."
[Chamberlain SR, Menzies L, Sahakian BJ, Fineberg NA (April 2007). "Lifting the veil on trichotillomania". Am J Psychiatry 164 (4): 568–74. ]
Because of the social stigma attached to Trich it is impossible to say how many people have it, it is often hidden and very rarely will a person go to the doctors about it, imho - parents will take their children if they notice it, but say if a parent notices it within themselves they are a lot less likely to go! (just something i've noticed)
Treatment?
Well, again this illness is different with everyone, so the treatment varies! Anyone can develop trich, and the age also makes a difference... IE a 5year old is likely to grow out of it, and so the parents are encouraged to ignore it, however older kids (pre-teens/teens/young Adults) are thought to benefit from knowing that there are lots of people with trich (which there are) and then go to things such as Behaviour Modification Training, with seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist as a last resort. Then the true and proper adults - they are often reffered to Psychiatrist straight away as trich in older people is generally more associated with other psychiatric disorders (more of a by-product than the source...)
Anything else?
as i said just now, it is possible for anyone to have trich, however it does seam more 'popular' with females (preschool age is equal gender difference, then it gradually goes up to being more female dominated) . Although that is not to say men don't get it too!
I think that is all you could want to know about trich in one go (plus im hungry and want my tea!) However, if you would like to know more, just ask (post a comment at the bottom) and i will endeavor to find the answer for you! (or give my opinion...)
Food time! x
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